‘What I wear is not your decision’: 28-year-old choir teacher stands up to a middle school dad after he repeatedly disses her fashion choices for “not being feminine enough”

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
May 1, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

When a 40 or 50-something-year-old man comments on a younger woman's fashion choices, I immediately prickle with ick energy. Like many other women who have existed on earth longer than two decades, there's just something truly off-putting about male commentary when it comes to the garments in a lady's wardrobe. 

Sir, respectfully, what do you know about women's clothing?

A 28-year-old middle school choir director had a similarly icky experience with a parent of a kid from her class. The dad was weirdly obsessed with the way she presented herself during concerts, and although her one-piece pant rompers and shawl combos were modest and professional, something was missing for him, apparently. She wasn't "ladylike" enough for his tastes as a spectator of a children's middle school singing concert, and he decided that his opinion was so valid that it had to be broadcast, in front of the principal, no less!

But when this parent tried to get her in trouble, her teaching staff and principal had her back. 

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  • "AITA for telling a parent what i wear is not their decision?"

    So I'm a choir director for a public middle school (grades 6-8) in South Carolina, and I wear this jumpsuit for concerts because I think I look good in it. Also, I'm a 28-year-old female.
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  • So this is me at a concert wearing it. I think it looks good. I don't enjoy wearing dresses as much after I got this.
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  • This is it on its own. I never wear it without a shrug to school events because I know a lot of skin would show.
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  • I had this parent, a dad who has two kids in my class, and for all their concerts I pretty much wore that. We
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  • have three concerts a year. Last year, the dad said that I needed to switch it up, and then at the winter one he told me that it was ugly. I
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  • let it slide, but the next time he said I was attention- seeking. He also told me it's not feminine enough and that I need to
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  • be more ladylike. I literally was stunned. His wife was also there, but she wasn't there when he had said it. His ex-wife is also very sweet.
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  • He has come up to me four separate times.
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  • Why is it that some people believe that if they're the loudest voice in the room, they're right? 

    This dad seems like the type of guy who has no basis for their opinions but proclaims them as loudly as possible to gain respect. You know the type. 

  • As we've all seen, this kind of animalistic, overbearing male stereotype is tough to deflect or disuade, especially when they've set their laser focus on something menial and benign, like their kid's choir director's hemline. Harnessing every ounce of maturity and professionalism, this choir director set an incredible example to all the kids in her class, the other teachers, and a supportive principal after being cornered after each concert this year. 

    Luckily, she had the entire teacher staff behind her, supporting not only her outfit but her mature response to this weirdly obsessive parent spectator in the crowd. Her clothes were tasteful, respectful, and kid-friendly, so it's about time this old man shut up about it. Let the kids sing their songs, let the director wear her clothes, and quiet down in the back row. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say when all it spews is negativity, grossness, and a weirdly baseless stance on women's fashion choices. 

  • I genuinely think I look good in this, and it's one of my favorite things I own. I used to wear black dresses, but
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  • they didn't really feel like me. Also, lots of moms and female staff have complimented it.
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  • Also, our dress code for choir concerts is concert black-you can literally wear whatever you want. This goes for all the kids.
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    (Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.)

  • So then, at the last concert two days ago, he said he would get me fired for wearing this, and I said, "What I wear is not your decision."
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  • Also, the principal, the first time she saw me in the jumpsuit, loved it and even asked for the link to where I got it and said I looked amazing.
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  • This sounds fake, but girls, you know there are men like this. I'm literally covering all my skin, so I really don't know what's wrong
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  • with what I'm wearing. And does it look bad on me? So I need to know, AITA? And girls, please tell me if I
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  • need to wear something else or if this is "not feminine enough." Also, at a concert last year- the second one for the year-I had worn
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  • a black dress instead of the jumpsuit. He told me that's what I should be wearing, not the other thing.
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  • After that, I just stopped wearing dresses and kept wearing my jumpsuit.
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  • jamjar20⚫ Make sure that the principal and your union president know about these incidents so if he does try to cause trouble you have alerted people about his obsession.
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  • jamesish99 I'd go back to your principal and let her know you're being targeted by this parent with his inappropriate comments. He's harassing you at this point.
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  • Hot-Freedom-58... Chorus mum here. I think this jumpsuit suits you and your role perfectly. The father's comments need to be reported to the principal immediately. Write down the other comments and dates and report him.
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  • Awesomesince1... It honestly doesn't matter how you look in the outfit, it's none of his business. (You do look very cute by the way) I know you were trying to be professional,
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  • but you shouldn't have to deal with this alone. After he said something once, I would have made a mental note, but the second time would have had me going to the administration.* There
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  • needs to be a file on him before he escalates, because he sounds like a real creep. I say it's not to late to at least have a conversation with your principal.
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  • *Who knows how many others he does this to, maybe you are all in the same place thinking he will stop on his own. He feels comfortable enough to
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  • approach you multiple times in a school setting with lots of parents and kids around, my assumption is you aren't the only one. Hopefully you shut him down this time, but I doubt it.
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